I’ll be home for the holidays…
What do the holidays really look like this year?
What is often considered a joyous time of connecting, sharing food, and travel will be different for most of us this year. We might have experienced the loss of a loved one and this will be the first holiday without them. We might be staying at home by ourselves or with our immediate family in order to keep ourselves and others safe. We might be contemplating the decision of whether to stay or go and feel guilt on both sides of that decision.
What do the holidays really look like this year?
What is often considered a joyous time of connecting, sharing food, and travel will be different for most of us this year. We might have experienced the loss of a loved one and this will be the first holiday without them. We might be staying at home by ourselves or with our immediate family in order to keep ourselves and others safe. We might be contemplating the decision of whether to stay or go and feel guilt on both sides of that decision.
How can we buffer the sadness and disappointment we may feel in the coming weeks?
First, allow yourself to feel. Be honest with where you're at and try to communicate your thoughts and feelings with those closest to you. As awesome as it would be in times like these, no one can read our minds. Ask for what you need and set appropriate boundaries.
A few years ago my parents divorced. It was hard to imagine what the holidays might look like without our family unit fully intact. The way things always were was no longer… My sister shared she always thought it would be fun to run in the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. She and I decided to make that happen -- we put on our turkey shirts and hit the pavement bright and early Thanksgiving morning. It was great to start the day outdoors, get our heart pumping and endorphins going, and do something different together.
Different does not have to = bad.
We can experience a lot of suffering because we are waiting for things to change or go back to “normal”. But what if we cannot go back to normal? It is important, for our mental and emotional health, to reach some level of acceptance of what is. To be present-oriented.
Once we accept the craziness that is 2020, we can take the next step.
Being prepared can greatly reduce anxiety for the holidays. Start planning and coping now rather than making frantic decisions in the days leading up to the holidays. Maybe that is recreating the best parts of your holiday ritual in your own home. Maybe that is creating a new tradition.
What is most important about your holiday ritual(s)?
Are there any changes you would like to make on how to celebrate the holidays this year?
How can you still pursue connection?
Some things we do around the holidays are meaningful while others are obligatory. Use 2020 to determine what those are for you and do more of what means most.
The way of compassion
To recognize the humanity in others we must also recognize the humanity in ourselves. Both our brokenness and capacity for growth. Often, each of us is stuck on one side of that binary – either coming to believe we are better than or less than others. What if that were not true? What if we took a more balanced approach with those around us, and with our very selves. What if we saw the full scope of our humanity for what it is.
““We have a choice. We can embrace our humanness, which means embracing our broken natures and the compassion that remains our best hope for healing. Or we can deny our brokenness, forswear compassion, and, as a result, deny our own humanity””
To recognize the humanity in others we must also recognize the humanity in ourselves. Both our brokenness and capacity for growth. Often, each of us is stuck on one side of that binary – either coming to believe we are better than or less than others. What if that were not true? What if we took a more balanced approach with those around us, and with our very selves. What if we saw the full scope of our humanity for what it is.
The reality is, COVID-19 has affected every single human on this Earth. The reality also exists that each of us has been affected in different ways. Maybe it has been isolation and loneliness. Maybe it has been grieving from afar a loved one who has been infected or is at risk. Maybe it has been losing your job. Maybe it has been juggling parenthood, teaching, and trying to maintain sanity. Maybe it is strain with relationships in the face of changing dynamics. Maybe it is something else entirely.
We all have experienced suffering. And would it be too bold to say this has been a year of immense suffering? From the Coronavirus to racial injustices to political divisiveness, we can be prone to feel like we are running on empty. Rather than suffering alone, what if we practiced compassion? To be living out the definition ofcompassion means “to suffer with” and, in application, is inherently relational. Common humanity would say we are more alike than we are different.
Bryan Stevenson, quoted above, is a lawyer and a social justice advocate. He fights for those who many might consider the “least of these”, prisoners on death row. He fights for their voices to be heard and he listens to their whole story. These prisoners experience dignity simply by being heard.
Are you a good listener? Do you listen to your own needs and to the needs of others?
What might you need to give yourself permission to feel, say, or do?
When we are able to be kind to ourselves, we are able to strengthen our compassion for others.
Tips for Self-Compassion:
1. Bring awareness to your negative thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge them without being overcome by them.
2. Remind yourself of your humanity: “I am not alone in this.”
3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and do not let them define you.
4. Spend time doing things you truly enjoy.
5. Strive to find common ground with others.
New Team Member - Preston Cole
Please help us welcome our newest therapist, Preston Cole. Preston has over 13 years of experience working with individuals, couples, and families. Please click here to read more about Preston and schedule.
Please help us welcome our newest team member, Preston Cole. Preston brings over 13 years of experience to RCC, and has experience working with individuals, couples, and families. Please click here to read more about Preston and schedule.
